just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
