Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can I color on your dick again?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
