That's intense
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
