Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
