1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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