Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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