thus making me awesome and them whores
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
