ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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