Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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