Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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