belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
