We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
