We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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