i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
