just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
