i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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