Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How naked do you want me to be?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
