brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
