standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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