I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
