the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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