I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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