Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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