ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Four minutes until I can fart!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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