I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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