HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
