I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
