your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
