Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
