I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
