i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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