dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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