Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
