dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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