watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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