The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
