Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you never un-have a 4some
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
