this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
