What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
