it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
