ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
