My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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