I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
