i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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