Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
