my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
