its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
