I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
