I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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