my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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