remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She needs sedatives and a leash
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
