You can't motorboat a personality
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
