But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I AM VODKA MAN
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
