Got a toothbrush?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
